Dear Journal. Celebrating my birthday (52 years old) is a time of self-reflection and signifies sharing a few words of wisdom. I’m one of those people that tends to reflect and think a lot. So I thought it would be only right to write my first blog journal of the year reflecting on life's challenges. Pondering on things that have spurned me on and things that have held me back. I’ve been a little melancholy lately, and it helps me to write about it if not for myself or anyone else. Therefore, welcome friends, family and subscribers. May this new year 2023 bless you with happiness and wisdom.
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Content:
Not only is it my birthday today (born 9th January 1971) it is also the day I am officially moving to a new home. Leaving my current home after 5 years. Thus the preparation to move has occupied my mind since September 2022 when the house I rented was placed on the market for sale. The sale was in the cards and inevitably it was time for me to move and face a new reality.
Maybe my birthday and moving to a new home on the same day is a blessing to what’s ahead for me in the future. As I think about it now. It could be symbolic of new hopes, and beginnings for myself. Yet with a little faith and gumption, optimism and navigating through life's changes, is key to a successful outcome. I'm always optimistic about moving and new possibilities for the future.
Yet I’d be lying to say I wasn’t feeling anxious about the whole thing. Change is always a challenge in itself especially when it comes to our living situation. I've had to rely on trusting the process when it comes to moving to a new home. My new home is beautiful and comes with a contract with all the 't's' crossed and 'i's' dotted. And I'm very happy with the decision I've made to take on living in a new home.
Anyway, here I am it is my birthday and I am moving into a new home. The transition in the moving process will take me time to settle. Nonetheless, I’m excited about the change and the new possibilities that come with the move. All in all, I have a grateful heart. A birthday and moving are definitely something to celebrate and smile about. God has surely blessed me with a roof over my head, food and people who love me. Maybe the timing is right for a new sense of self, not only on my birthday but also with my living situation. Therefore, what better way to commemorate this is to share some anecdotes on life's lessons that have worked for me? You might have a few that has worked for you too. Please feel free to share your anecdotes and experiences and leave a comment.
Life certainly throws us a spanner in the mix and we are served up lemons. Leaving a bitter taste in our mouths. The key to facing life's challenges is to have a can-do positive attitude when we are constantly doubting ourselves and worried all the time. There is a hidden compartment in our heads that keeps telling us that we can’t do anything. We want to give up and curl up and not face the challenges that life puts before us. It is okay to have these feelings. But after your pouting, self-doubt, blaming, and insecurities. You need to get the fuck up and keep going!
There have been an infinite amount of times when I’ve been made to feel less worthy of anything. Where people have questioned my worth and ability to achieve or do anything. It has been a diatribe of horrible words from family members and so-called friends. But I’ve learned to filter people's hate and insecurities and hope that one day they see their flaws rather than that of others.
I could sit here and write a whole list of names, instances, and scenarios but what would that achieve? And I would be lying to think it doesn’t affect me and to try and take the higher road in life. But in my lifetime I’ve learned that words of hate are designed to strip you of your sense of worth and it says a lot about the perpetrators.
There are some not-very-nice feelings and images that cloud my thoughts. But over time it dissipates. The lesson here is being resilient and not taking onboard other people's insecurities and hateful words.
Sometimes a deep breath, clearing your head space, and finding new hope for yourself helps you pick up your bags and keep moving forward in life. Leaving the negativity that trails behind you. Therefore with a good sense of personal faith, humour and a thick armour to deflect life's unwanted daggers from people. You come to realise how strong you are in your toughest times in life. Henceforth, rather than dwell on the negativity, a good dose of encouragement, optimism, and personal faith, just might help you over the mountain of despair you find yourself enduring and climbing. Here are some words of advice for you to think about.
Stay in your lane. Don’t let others pull you into their problems and drama. It’s not worth the headache and something is surely going to backfire on you. You’ll get the blame for something you have no control over. Your safest place is to stay in your lane. And it is even better that you pretend not to know anything. If people question you on this, their motives are to shift the blame. Don’t entertain their narrative by pulling you into their conversation. Remember that not all people are there for your benefit. They are there to drain you of your worth and spit you out. They intend to use you.
Keep moving forward in what makes you happy and strive for the goals that you are most passionate about. If you are a passionate writer, blogger, mechanic or whatever you love doing. Keep doing it and follow it through in your time and pace. As long as it doesn’t hurt you or others. This is an important lesson you need to know.
There is that inner saboteur in all of us that tells us that we are not worthy. Questioning our ability and self-worth. It flares up all too often and in our darkest hour. Just when you think you are achieving something great for yourself it shows up. And you almost give up even before you started. There is that long conversation you have in your head that triggers you to hesitate.
In paraphrasing what Margaret Cho says in her stand-up comedic sketch. “We will hesitate to do anything.” And yet there is this thing inside of us that makes us hesitate. Where you’ve been constantly reminded and conditioned by people that you are not worthy to think you could achieve anything. This is an all too familiar reminder that hangs over our heads. It has a knack for pinning us down. Until we have no strength and courage to push it off. So do not hesitate about what you want to achieve. Be strong and don’t hesitate.
Don’t take Umbridge in what others say about you. Your mental health is not worth investing wasted time taking on board other people's shit. There have been many times when people will say horrible things to you or about you. And there is that little thing inside that you hold on to letting people get into your mind. And you can’t let it go. You let it control your anger and try to retaliate. Just remember they want you to react. And when you don’t it aggravates them more. But it also tells you what kind of people they are. Either bitter, hateful, vengeful, or constantly finding excuses for themselves. What you see on the outside persona, the smiles, jokes, and words of encouragement are nothing but emptiness and shallowness.
I’m reminded of a horrible comment my uncle whispered to a cousin while I was in the hospital. He questioned her and asked if I had insurance. He wasn’t at the hospital to give any support to my mother and immediate family. He was concerned about the implications of my being in the hospital and its outcome. Since childhood, we were always measured not by our character but by the monetary value we possessed at the time. So I wasn’t surprised by his hateful words. But again that wasn’t the first time I heard my uncle talk about me like this. I grew up with his ridicule all too often. But karma has a way of showing up in different ways. Now he lives a befitted life of bitterness, false hope, and self-degradation. And the hate that he spews has returned back to him in other ways. One can only feel sorry for such people.
So here are a few words of wisdom to help you think about the experiences you face in life. And although at 52 years old, I’m left with a smile on my face writing about this as a beacon and signpost for you to think for yourself and your life experiences. Ageing and moving with life's changes are inevitable. And it is something we cannot change. The best solution is to celebrate who we are and the challenges we face be they good or bad. All in all, I like to give myself and little prep talk and cling to my faith and the positive things in life. I sit and smile looking out the window with an optimistic view of life over all the heartaches and breaks out there. Life will definitely serve you lemons and leave a bitter taste in your mouth. But with a little sugar to taste you've created a lemon drink to sweeten the sour times in your life.
Let me leave you with a song by Des'ree "You Gotta be..."